WTF?!

Swell.

The U.S. is moving warships into the Persian Gulf as a show of force to Iran, and what is the big news story of the day? Whether Miss America will keep her crown? No joke: MSNBC devoted an afternoon to this, as though all the other problems in the world disappeared, and we have this to focus on.

What the fuck are the responsibilities of Miss America anyway that makes it impossible for her to drink or get high? Are shopping mall openings really involved, like being an Air Traffic Controller? Does competing in the Miss Universe pageant require so much moral fiber (and how does Donald Trump end up in a sentence with morality)? Is she really the represent the United States on the world stage, and if she does, who cares if she gets hammered on Stoli and blow anyway? It's not like she's the President or anything...

Speaking of which: By the way, America: While you were engrossed in this little diversion, two more of your children, parents, brothers and sisters were killed, and if they aren't being blown up, evidentally, the situation is so fucked and hopeless, that they are killing themselves. Oh yeah, and there's more homeless, too.


Merry fucking Christmas, indeed.

Update: Trav has cracked the conspiracy: Purple Hooter Shooters for Truth, and Jon Stewart weighs in.