I refilled my water, and flipped on my television, which I had left on Fox Movie Channel-I was watching Altman's M.A.S.H. last night-and flipped over to Sundance...
Lo and Behold, The Live Earth Extraveganza, and who turned up to save the planet?
Phil Collins and Genesis, phoning in "Land of Confusion"...
I have an irrational hatred of Phil Collins, I'll cop to that much. Aside from the fact that he makes music that, evidentally, makes babyboomers like himself want to fuck, and not Barry White/Marvin Gaye fuckin', not Prince fuckin', not even Roxy Music fuckin', but Phil Collins fuckin': Late 80's, "Honey, its Saturday Night...", Warm 98 "Pillow Talk" couple of Michelob fuckin'. A Duty Fuck, if you will...well, anyway, what was I talking about?
Phil Collins. It's hard to remember a time when he didn't suck big time. When I was in the faux patriotism wholesaling biz, the cat from the main office was a big time drunk and irrascible old bake-on this level, we got along fine-but he loved Genesis, old Genesis, with Peter Gabriel, which allegedly made a difference. Phil Collins was the drummer. They still sucked: They gave Progressive Rock the reputation from which it is only now recovering: twee, stupidly clever, self conscious virtuosity...Wake Rick, Man...good for headphones, bad for 'heads.
The chantix is now an all enveloping mind-gut discomfort, starting in my stomach, and you feel a little messed up-kind of like the first table spoon of raw nutmeg without the sand in your esophogus feeling-or is it Phil Collins and his merry band decrepit aristocratic British Rock Stars doing a piss take of their own insipid tune, notable only for the video? Then, like goddamned John The Baptist, Phil Collins, leans in, his oversized, hairless, Lollypop Guild head croaks out:
"I won't be coming home tonight/my generation will put it right/ we're not just making promises/ we know, we'll never keep..."
His generation will fix it? His generation? The people who brought us AIDS, the yuppie, soft rock, "New Wave", George Bush, and coked up self indulgence? You mean the people who lived through the Oil Embargo, the gas shortages, knew this was coming, and still bought the block sized Dodge Fuck You mobiles? Generationally speaking (with exceptions) your generation put it all wrong, and, as far as making promises that you'll never keep: Genesis are a rock band that doesn't rock. Phil Collins is soft rock-bot promising to be a human being. Promises?
I guess Phil and the boys think they are a rock band, and to a certain type of person, I guess they are-the cat from the main office certainly thought so, but then again, he also promised me that they wouldn't suck, either, as I sat in his car, stoned, listening to the live version of "The Return of the Giant Hogweed" at peak volume, as he writhed in some kind of Fosters/Pot and Crap ecstasy. Guess I never got it.
What I do know is this: I blame Phil Collins. For everything.
Feeling dirty, I took a shower. When I came out, Snow Patrol was on.
I blame Phil Collins. For everything.
When I got picked up for Reckless Op at age 19, "Land of Confusion" was on the radio. The cop wouldn't believe I was doing 90 so I could get home earlier and stop listening.
ReplyDeleteBut the song I hate above all others is "Another Day in Paradise." Short version: "As a multi-millionaire, it's my duty to tell the middle class that they're not doing enough for the poor."
Ah yes...Phil Collins and the plain truth.
ReplyDeleteThis moment of insipidity put Phil Collins in the stratosphere of musical do-gooders Don Henley, Sting et al., none of whom were ever able to figure out why nobody mistook them for Dylan.