Special Guest Post

A friend sends this dispatch about the rending of garments it pertains to "role models" and "the children".

From: Kerry Holleran
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 9:50 PM
To: The_Wizard
Subject: Just Holleran...About the Logical Fallacy Surrounding the Cincinnati Bengals

The recent antics of the Cincinnati Bengals have left many Cincinnatians in dismay. I guess you can add my name to that list. I’m left confused, concerned, and wondering why. All five of the journalist questions come to mind: Who are we going to lose next? What can the next guy do to trump the last blunder? When are they going to grow up? Where will the Bengals be if half the team is suspended? Why do they have to act like idiots? How hard is it to take a cab and to not do drugs? If you watch the news, listen in on the conversations of your neighbors, log on to any local website, or turn on local talk radio this week, you will inevitably hear discussions about Odell Thurman’s Monday morning arrest. The town is buzzing with the news. People are irate that these guys keep disappointing them and as a City, we’re all embarrassed.

Let’s look at all the law-breaking these boys have done in the past few months.

I suppose one should begin with Chris Henry. His first goof was being caught with marijuana, which happens to lots of folks. We can have that age old debate about whether the drug should be legal or illegal (my students are obsessed with the topic), but either way, the law currently states it’s an illegal substance. The next slip-up was wearing his own freaking jersey when pointing a gun at some kids outside a club in Florida. The NFL or the fashion police should make a rule that wearing your own jersey constitutes a $50,000 fine and an appointment with Dr. Phil. Come on. Then he got a D.U.I. and was caught going 82 in a 65 mile per hour zone. After that he was accused of sexually assaulting an 18 year old girl and providing alcohol to minors. The sexual assault charges ended up being bogus, and the girl was later arrested for stabbing a man to death after a discrepancy regarding the amount of money he was to pay her for sex. He paid $40 but she had wanted $60. I sincerely believed that a 6’5” 23 year old man in Cincinnati making $400,000 a year could do better than an 18-year-old $40 hooker, but I have officially been proven wrong. Lastly, he was in the car with Odell this past Monday apparently puking out the window when stopped by the cops. Nice Chris, nice.

Now for a story with a happy ending: Mathias Askew was charged with resisting arrest and obstructing official business by the Cincy PD, but he took the charge to court and the police backed down. Supposedly Askew parked his car on a sidewalk and the police told him to move it. He ignored them. They next asked for identification and he ignored them again. So they Tased him…for a parking ticket. Sound like the Cincy PD? Hey, at least they have Tasers now. They probably would have used a gun on him if they hadn’t. The Bengals released Askew and he soon after sued the city for $50 million accusing the officers of using excessive force. He was, however, acquitted on charges of disorderly conduct, resisting arrest, failure to comply with an officer's order and obstructing justice. My guess is they’ll settle out of court for a few million.

This summer boating got the best of Eric Steinbach (who happens to be the guy who let Kimo get around him on January 8) and he was charged with boating while under the influence. One could make the case that everyone who drives a boat drinks, but we’ll move on. Steiny told the cops he consumed six to eight beers, supposedly failed four of the five field sobriety tests, then was arrested when he refused to take a breathalyzer. He plead not guilty in court. If he’s convicted, the maximum sentence is a $250 fine. I think he’ll be okay.

Now to the weirdoes. A.J. Nicholson had some issues in college. He was arrested twice for alcohol-related issues and he also got the Taser. And he didn’t even get to play in the Orange Bowl because a girl accused him of rape. But nothing ever came of that. Not long after, the Bengals drafted him. Once he got to Cincinnati, he was charged with grand theft and vandalism for breaking into an apartment belonging to a teammate, Lorenzo Booker, and stealing $1700 worth of electronics when he was in college. What is it with men and electronics anyway? The case is still pending.

Frostee Rucker’s troubles began and ended during a fight with his girlfriend after a party at his L.A. apartment while he was in college. The weird thing is the party was in August of 2005 and the charges came in July of 2006. He apparently got mad at Joelle Barchan and smashed her cell phone and her Blackberry. He was charged with spousal battery and vandalism. I’m wondering why it’s spousal battery when it was his girlfriend, but a bigger issue is why did she wait so long? I found this comment on a USC newswire: “funny how no articles ever mention how he tried to get a restraining order on her or how she broke in to his apt in the middle of the night and left a gash on his chest or how she constantly harassed girls he dated after her. She will stop at nothing until she has done as much damage as she possibly can to frost. those who really know frost know that he may not be the most honest or faithful man but he would never intentionally harm someone he cared about.” Word is Frostee dumped her, then they were on and off for a while, and when he finally cut her off, she filed the charges. She even had a picture of a bruise on her arm from that night when she filed the charges nine months later. Sounds like premeditation to me. Isn’t that a crime? They oughta give him a $250 fine like Steinbach and call it a day.

And now to Odell. He’s the biggest disappointment in my book because he is a bit older and should know better. Over the summer, Odell got himself in some trouble for either missing or failing a drug test, though I can’t find evidence that says which it was. Even wikipedia.com doesn’t know, and that’s saying something. After the failed test, he was put in stage one of the NFL’s substance abuse program. Sometime since then, he entered stage two of the substance abuse program because of another violation, but I’m unclear on that one, too. The league gave him a four game suspension which was almost up when he was arrested Monday morning for operating a vehicle under the influence of alcohol. Mr. Thurman blew a 0.18 on the breathalyzer, which is a high-tier readout on the test, but after watching the video on Cincinnati.com, I am re-thinking the whole breathalyzer test. The parts of the video they showed on the news made the whole thing look much worse than it really was. He looked and sounded pretty sober to me, but he royally screwed up the alphabet, leading me to believe that he’s just not that bright. I’m certainly no advocate of drinking and driving, but watch the video and you’ll see what I mean. Monday morning Marvin cleaned out his locker and gave it to a new guy. Today the league announced he will be suspended for a year for the third violation.

So these are the six guys who are the root of the Bengals’ bad name. Many will disagree with me, but I think the underlying problem here isn’t that Bengals are doing bad things; it’s that we’re expecting good things out of them.

As a child, I was very optimistic about humanity. My friends will tell you I still suffer from that ailment. I give people too many chances, I go back on rules I had set for others, and I am pretty much an overall lover of mankind and a raging optimist. I sincerely wish everyone was a good person and I am so naïve I believe everyone has some good in them somewhere. Life’s experiences are finally showing me that humanity is not one big happy family. There are good people and there are bad people. There are people who are power hungry, people who want things from others and don’t care what they have to do to get them, and there are some people who just like to watch others suffer. Then there are the people who just can’t seem to follow the rules. Some of these people are politicians. Some are lawyers. Some are teachers. Some are babysitters. Some are even athletes. We go wrong as a society when we expect famous people or especially athletic people to be any different than the folks down the block.

We allow our children to look up to these people and watch their hopes get crushed when the athlete messes up. We’re at fault just as much as they are. Everyone makes mistakes. Some people make tons and tons of them, like Chris Henry. We go wrong when we expect these people to be role models to our kids or upstanding citizens. I’m a teacher and you can think that I’m a good teacher, but unless you’re my student, you won’t really know. You can hope I’m a good teacher, but you’re not going to assume I’m an amazing golfer, are you? My dad was a mailman and unless you lived on his route, you wouldn’t have known if he was a good mailman or not. You can hope so, but you’re not going to assume he’s an excellent interior designer, are you? We know these guys are good at football because we’re the fans. We watch and we’re the people they perform for. But we take it too far when we automatically assume they’ll be excellent role models for our children. They’re not in the profession of being role models. They’re in the profession of catching footballs. Many of them would probably be rejected by the Big Brother program, but we still buy our kids their jerseys and teach them that if they grow up to catch footballs well, they can be just like Chris Henry. Or if they can dunk basketballs they can be just like Lebron. Or if they can swing a golf club they can be just like Tiger. We’re committing the English teacher’s nightmare: the logical fallacy. We’re saying, “If they’re athletes, then they must also be role models” even though one doesn’t logically follow the other. If that argument were in an essay I was grading, it would have red pen all over it because it’s wrong.

There are some things the NFL or Coach Lewis could do to fix this problem. If they want these guys to act like role models, they can implement rules they must follow. Odell and Chris Henry are perfect examples that the current policies aren’t strong enough. If they were, the two idiots would have called a cab. Odell used to use Tim the Cabbie like my group of friends from Hampton Farms in Alexandria, but he must have lost his number this summer. Sure, none of the guys in that car make millions, but they’ve got to be in a better financial situation than me, and I can afford for Tim to drive me around on gameday. Maybe the Bengals organization needs to look into putting a taxi driver or two on its payroll. I recommend Tim and his brother Bob. They’re amazing guys and they get you where you need to go. Until the league and the team decide to toughen their policies, these issues are going to continue. But, in the meantime, as parents and fans, we have to realize that all athletes are not role models. And that all role models are not athletes. And that all Bengals are not bad people. And all bad people are not Bengals. See how confusing logic is? I have to go find my red pen…