The Magic Christian: Scattershot about the film and other Lazy Sunday Musings

My girlfriend and I watched The Magic Christian last night with a bottle of Purple Trillium, and though the film is set in 1960's London, I was really struck by how right on it still is, and still screamingly funny. Peter Sellers, one of my favorites of all time, is brilliant.

Certainly, as the Wikipedia article suggests, one could take exception to the "cruelty" Guy Grand and his son show to prove their point, but I would point out that, as social commentary, one cannot spare cruelty. Either you go for the throat, or you don't.

Anyway, in the film, as the "Revolution" begins (see above), you see the most bourgeois of English society willing to jump into a vat of shit, piss and vomit in order get the money. Certainly, when we extrapolate that into these United States now, one only has to watch "reality" television to see this-or a political debate.

Watching the Democratic Debate last Thursday, it was difficult to forget that it may take as much as half a billion to become president. This fact alone is killing our democracy-and yeah, I know that some people argue "money=free speech", but I would point out that, by this logic, this means that those with the most money have much free-er speech than you or I. This same operation, to a lesser degree, takes place in all sectors of life in this republic.

Anyway, watching the bourgeois free for all that was the debate, a couple of things struck me;

1. We learned very little about anything (to be expected, of course, this was the candidates' cotillion), aside from which candidates looked more presidential.
2. Very few questions were answered directly (again, to be expected-these are, afterall, career politicians), and were, instead, used as a segue into some asinine anectdote that only tangentially had anything to do with what was asked.

First off, Chris Matthews (the Larry Merchant of Political Commentary) went on and on about Hillary looking the most Presidential. The quick answer there is, historically no. Chris Dodd looked the most Presidential, according to our previous Presidents. Run some Kiwi Black Shoe through his hair, and...voila...Reagan. As is...he's so old money establishment that if you gave him spats and a top hat, he could be the guy on the front of Monopoly.

Anyway, back to Hillary: She did look Presidential, and you could almost detect a human being underneath the pre-programmed answers-just like Max Headroom.

Barack looked great, but, in my estimation, didn't answer so great, which maybe a good thing, or not.

Joe Biden didn't fuck up anything up that bad, which is a plus, but like Steve Chabot, how can you trust someone with that kind of denial about male pattern baldness. However, his Iraq plan is might be the only solution.

John Edwards looked good, answered okay, and did the required Bill Clinton empathy squint. Talked about the poor and the working class, the only top tier candidate to do so. Fumbled about the $400 hair cut.

Bill Richardson looked okay, answered okay, except about gun control, where he became incoherent. Did the Bill Clinton passive agressive thumb point several times, the first of which required that Kizzle and I do a shot of Clontarf Irish Whiskey, as per debate tradition.

Then, of course, we had our other, no chance in hell candidates, one of which we may be all the poorer for;

Mike Gravel looked like your drunk Grampa, and sounded like him, too. He actually pointed fingers. He actually said that the other candidates scared him. He may actually be right, in some respects (Hell, even drunk Grampas get it right from time to time).

Dennis Kucinich looked like a keebler elf, but roared like a lion. Way too "liberal" for this bunch, but you know what: In your heart, you know he's right.

Watching these folks roll around in the mud, trying to be polite, dodging the sort of questions one might get when running for Student Council President, made me think that there has to be a better way, especially with so much at stake, to pick the person who can pull our asses out of the fire.

Then I remembered: It was this sort of thing that got us here in the first place.

Magic Christians, indeed.

Eight Men Enter (1 Woman and 7 men, anyway), One Man (or Woman) Leaves

Tonight is the first debate of the 2008 campaign. It seems a bit odd that such a debate would come so early, but this might be a good thing. It'll be interesting to see how things turn out...

cue dramatic cliffhanger music...

Will Hillary throw a tantrum, as per her divine right as former first lady to rule the world and attempt to decapitate the insolent upstart Obama?

Will Obama prove that he may instead be the next Bobby Kennedy, or will he come off more like a Labor Day Ted Kennedy?

Will John Edwards be able to withstand the unholy onslaught of a $400 haircut, and reasonably explain how he cares about the poor?

Will Bill Richardson and Chris Dodd start screaming in Spanish at each other, because they can, and, presumably, Hillary, Obama and Edwards cannot?

Will Kucinich, the little man with the balls to instigate articles of impeachment against Darth Cheney, be able to be heard, or even seen, on camera?

Will Biden apologize again for a malaprop worthy of Bush?

Will Gravel be introduced?

Who will emerge victorious?

You tell me (seriously).

Corona

I was flipping through cable the other night, and found a film about the Minutemen on Sundance called We Jam Econo. It reminded me of what a great, inventive, and truly original American band they were. I am sorry that I missed them.




Nevertheless, I have spent the last 3 days listening to Double Nickels on the Dime.

Perspective

Just when it seem that the whole world is going to shit...

Gliese 581c

Just imagine...

Schaedenfreude: The Ecstasy of The Agony

Things appear to be getting good for good guys, and bad for the bad guys:

"The subpoena for Rice is part of Waxman's investigation into President Bush's discredited pre-war claim that Saddam Hussein had sought to buy uranium from the African country of Niger. The subpoena for the Republican National Committee comes in Waxman's probe of whether Bush administration officials -- including the president's chief political strategist, Karl Rove -- have attempted to circumvent the Presidential Records Act, a post-Watergate law designed to preserve White House records, by using RNC e-mail accounts to conduct government business."

Not to give the GOP any more ideas, but maybe you stole the wrong election, thank God.

Tom Tomorrow Responds...

Now that Bill O has figured out that my blog roll, myself, Covington, The Tavern Wench, WireCan, RFN, Katie G. et al. are really agents of S.O.R.O.S (Special Operations Regarding Overthrowing Society), America can rest easy...

What an Asshole

Apparently, you can't make a joke anymore without some opportunistic asshole trying to score political points:

"Graber, who is apparently not the kind of guy to let a gag go unpunished, suggested Wexler may not have been joking when, egged on by Colbert, he looked into the camera and said he enjoys cocaine and prostitutes 'because it’s a fun thing to do'.

'There are many ways to look at it', Graber said. 'Maybe he was shocked and the truth came out'.”

Here's a way to look at it, Dr. Graber: You're a worm, and if you want to use this against the man, maybe you should run as a Republican.

Dick.

Go Dennis!

You make Ohio proud (at least that part not in Butler, Warren, Clermont and Hamilton counties):

"After hinting for weeks that he would initiate impeachment actions against the Bush administration, Cleveland Democratic Rep. Dennis Kucinich this afternoon introduced articles of impeachment against Vice President Dick Cheney.

Kucinich said Congress should oust Cheney from office for purposely fabricating intelligence in the runup to the Iraq war, thereby deceiving some in Congress and the public into believing war was necessary. He also said Cheney manipulated intelligence about purported links between Saddam Hussein's Iraq and al-Qaida, the group responsible for 9/11."

You Really Wanna Eat Your Own Face, Nathan?

The murmurings below ground might be beginning to surface:

"Did the most powerful Republicans in America have the computer capacity, software skills and electronic infrastructure in place on Election Night 2004 to tamper with the Ohio results to ensure George W. Bush's re-election?

The answer appears to be yes. There is more than ample documentation to show that on Election Night 2004, Ohio's 'official' Secretary of State website -- which gave the world the presidential election results -- was redirected from an Ohio government server to a group of servers that contain scores of Republican web sites, including the secret White House e-mail accounts that have emerged in the scandal surrounding Attorney General Alberto Gonzales's firing of eight federal prosecutors."

Jesus Christ...what pandora's box did Fredo open?

via Crooks and Liars.

More to follow...

Purple Heart Blues/Caffeine induced Rage.

Via Nathan S...

I guess war makes people crazy; This guy gave one of his three Purple Hearts to Bush:

"I feel the President deserved one," he said. "The bottom line is, I paid for these Purple Hearts with my blood."

Listen Buddy, while you were paying for those Purple Hearts with your blood, Big Hero was paying a bar tab in Kennebunkport, probably cackling drunkenly about all those suckers who's Daddy's weren't rich and powerful enough to get them out of serving.

Besides, I would love to learn more of the rationale for saying that Bush "deserves" one; I didn't think you get a Purple Heart for a Self Inflicted Wound, and the closest he ever got to being injured in the line of duty was a nose bleed he got after doing too many lines while on duty.

Our President is an Idiot

Bush Reiterates Support for Gonzales

President Bush said that the attorney general’s testimony last week had increased his confidence in him.

According to Bush, Gonzo "did no wrongdoing." Well put, but it clearly shows that this pin head is dangerously insulated from reality. He can't even hear the complaints of ranking members of his own party.

The fact is Gonzo's got to go and Bush is too weak to stop it.

The_Wizard's response

I got called out a few days ago by the folks at OlbermannWatch because I used the word "slander". It went a little like this:

"Anonymous said...

Slandering?

Only an OlbyLoon would think fact-checking a fact-challenger journalist is "slander".I suppose tossing around terms like "slander" is actually less taxing than responding to our valid criticism. We document every post. Care to point out any specific examples of our publishing false information?

Take your time.OlbermannWatch.com
20/4/07 12:01 PM "

I have been challenged with the task of looking at "valid criticism". An IE error took away the post I had been working on as an answer, and I've been grading drafts. I apologize for the delay, but here is the new one...

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by "fact-challenger", nor am I sure why I am the one having to defend Keith Olbermann, but I find it interesting that you claim to provide "valid criticism" and that you "document every post" and you have been doing this for years. Let's have a look at yesterday's, for a start, posted by someone called Johnny Dollar.

The only "documentation" you provide are links to RedState, Fox News, OlbermannWatch (twice), which support your claims because they are right wing, and to Media Matters, which you are evidentally suspicious of, yet use as a form of validation. The other links in this post are to an Olbermann Transcript for April 4th, as well as a link to Amazon so that your readers can buy O'Reilly's book. Moreover, you seem awfully concerned with how Olbermann's book is doing, and the ratings, which have absolutely nothing to do with the veracity of his claims. Additionally, in the links, the only independent links you provide are to papers who have run stories on Olbermann or to other posts on this blog. Like Ann Coulter or Ben Shapiro in their books, you ostensibly provide "support" for your claims, but these supports either link partisan blogs, or are so poorly documented, that it becomes difficult to corraborate the information you cite.

Here's a suspiciously lacking piece of documentation: The document itself. You are criticizing Olbermann's show, with a night by night run down of what you thought you saw, yet, you do not link to a video which, if you are right, would support your claims. How am I supposed to comment on it if I cannot view and judge for myself? Or is this beside the point? It seems to me that you know your audience, and what we have is not an honest or a valid criticism, but the judgements of someone who has made their mind up beforehand.

On Olbermann Watch ">FAQit states that "Just read the site every day and you will come to see that he lies pretty much every time he opens his mouth. Sometimes we even make lists but with Keith it is hard to keep current on his latest lies and distortions...".yet there is no independent corraboration of these lies and distortions. I see nothing from Reuters, the AP, The New York Times, the Times of London, or anything like that. You link to other commentators. Why bother linking at all, then. It would by like asserting that the "world is flat" and finding ten other people to agree, and calling that proof.

Another thing which caught my eye was the prominent "Know something about Keith Olbermann?" red e mail link, which would indicate some desire for dirt on Mr. Olbermann. So is this about Olbermann the Commentator or Olbermann the person? This seems like an invitation to rumormongering to me.

One of the things I have learned over the years is an textual archeology, digging deep to uncover the who and why in the creation of a text. I've already uncovered the obvious bias in the Johnny Dollar post. Scrolling down, I find the name Robert Cox as the editor of the OlbermannWatch. There's also a nice picture of Bob with Tony Snow, in case there was any question of where this is leading.

He is the President of the something called Media Bloggers Association, whose mission statements reads

"Honesty, fairness and accuracy: State what you know and how you know it. Use links to supporting documents on the web wherever possible; credit sources and link to other bloggers. Distinguish fact from rumor and speculation. Be intellectually honest when expressing opinion. Don't plagiarize or pass off others' work as your own. Act responsibly and with personal integrity.

Transparency: Clearly disclose conflicts of interest including personal relationships, financial considerations or anything else that might influence or appear to influence your independence and integrity. If you accept payments from advertisers or sponsors, clearly demarcate advertorial from editorial content."

I wonder, how, as editor in chief of the OlbermannWatch, and the President of this organization, how could one could allow such shoddy documentation and obvious partisanship in one realm, and then promote such lofty, nay, noble, ideals about the citizen journalist on the other hand? Intellectually honest? The OlbermannWatch is anything but.

At the end of the day, by definition, nothing on the OlbermannWatch is libelous or slanderous, because this would necessitate that general audience would believe catalog of logical fallacy that is the modus operandi over at OlbermannWatch, with its "redstate" bias hanging out for all to see.

I suppose, as Wes asked, why would OlbermannWatch. come looking for me, running a small blog with no advertising, no site meter, some one who's only intent is to provide more testimony to the disasterous policies of this President. The great thing about blogging is that it allows everyone to provide testimony to history, democratizing it in the process, and, as such, allowing a true history of the people in the process. But maybe, because I do give testimony to history about this President, his right wing apologists and the cryptofascist propaganda they utilize to stonewall and subjegate the citizens of these United States, is exactly why OlbermannWatch took exception, because it is part of the problem.

Anyway, thanks for stopping by.

Congratulations

Keith Olbermann has arrived: He's got a website dedicated to slandering him. Take it seriously, man, you've got heavy weights like Debbie Schussel after your ass (and no, I will not link to her).

Yaaahhhhoooooooooo-ew?

Ah yes, the survivors of the Dot. Com boom and bust finally grow up, and start acting like real U.S. Corporations:

"Mr Wang was arrested after distributing online articles calling for democratic reform and a multiparty system in China via Yahoo! sites in 2000 and 2001. His suit contends that Yahoo!’s Honk Kong office provided police in China with information that linked him to the postings. Mr Wang was arrested in September 2002 and says he was beaten while in detention.

A Yahoo! spokesman said the company “is distressed that citizens in China have been imprisoned for expressing their political views on the internet", but said it had not had time to review Mr Wang's lawsuit."

Not that this is loaded or anything, part: Scotus and Abortion

Objective, my ass:

"Infanticide Is No Longer Legal".

It goes without saying, but I guess I'll explain it for the Chattanoogans, who should obviously stick to fucking trains.

Infanticide is the murder of a newborn, one who passed either through the mommy parts or mommy's tummy.

The unborn are not people, because they have no consciousness.

Got that.

Schadenfreude: An Ode to Joy

Toward the end of Oliver Stone's Nixon, Anthony Hopkins tells his uneasy staff of goons that "It's the lie that gets you".

George Bush et al. have constructed not only a past, but a future, that at best can be called a "lie" and, perhaps, more aptly "criminal", definately negligent, certainly malicious, and have thus far gotten away with it, not withstanding Scooter Libby, who has been thrown to wolves in Dick Cheney's stead.

Karl Rove, the svengali, Karl Rove, possibly the most powerful non elected official in this republic's history (yes, that includes Ford), has, with the snarling cold warriors like Rumsfeld (a man who's place in history is secured, like all war criminals) and Wolfowitz, the NeoCon ideologue (emphasis on the con) have thus far been spared, with Rummy in retirement, and Wolfowitz, mirroring McNamara, taking a job at the World Bank. Both were architects of illegal, immoral wars; One has spent years apologizing. One got his girlfriend a job-putting the Con in NeoCon.

It seems as though this might possibly change soon.

The Gonzalez Affair, in which, it seems that nothing "technically" illegal may have occured, has been met with obstruction and obfuscation in a manner not seen since Watergate.

The Administration keeps telling us that they have nothing to hide, yet continue to hide everything, and if nothin "illegal" happened, then why fight so hard? It seems that today, Gonzalez, who some in the media have aptly dubbed "Fredo", may have to spill the beans, and, perhaps, Rove will get dragged in as well.

Central to this issue, in my mind, is not the fired Attorneys, but instead the systematic disinformation and dirty tricks perpetuated in order to create this Imperial Catastrophe we call our Executive Branch, that has lied us into war, killed habeas corpus, spied on its people in the ostensible attempt to fight some ambiguous "them". Folks..."them" are us.

So, it'll be fun to watch all of this unfold, and I don't feel the least bit sorry about gloating about it, either. Tyrants should always get it in the end.


Update: Audacity in the extreme: “I am here today to do my part to ensure that all facts about this matter are brought to light...” and Leahy reminds us why this is so important.

Busload of Faith

I'm no narcissist, though a compelling argument for the blogging thing may prove otherwise, so after a day of working on serious computer issues (a full re-install, complicated by being sent the wrong driver disc at the time of purchasing this Wizard's machine, further complicating things by installing all the wrong drivers before getting the right ones, an another full re-install, so on and so on) and not really watching TV, I switched on Olbermann last night while I took a break and drank a beer...Holy Shit.

This morning, it seems that we know a little more. We know, for example, that Big Paranoia has already informed us that "Gun-control claims lives at Virginia Tech" (doesn't the the VDL just give it that extra quasi fascist/terrorist cache?) My question for these folks is simple: If there had been a concealed carry law on campus, as you advocated, then because this guy was carrying pistols, even everything had gone okay in terms of alerts, you would have let this guy go, if he had the proper permits? Otherwise, you'd sue, right? And what makes you think an armed faculty, staff and student body would have made a difference?

To be fair, the otherside got right on top of this as well.

While I might be inclined to give the above a pass for relevence if not for taste, what has really irked me about all of this are the usual suspects blaming movies, video games and Marilyn Manson (though these suspects are not to be found at the moment). I don't think movies, video games and music are the cause of this shit-I think we are a country with more than a few fucked up people. But how did they get so fucked up?

I think a lot of it has to do with a "death valley days" tradition in this country of handling problems with violence, of seeking revenge, of a mistaken notion that somehow, a lone gunman can right all wrongs. This unilateralism is relegated to fucked up young people, though: Look at the current Administration.

The problem may lie, as Michael Moore portrays it, in our history.

At any rate, as I sit here, drinking my last cup of coffee, smoking a cigarette, I can't help but wonder about the kids I'll be looking at in an hour and a half, and think about the kids at Virginia Tech who went to class yesterday, expecting another day of droning on by a Professor, distractedly checking their e-mail, checking phone messages, and only then becoming aware of the nightmare in the hall.

Perhaps their Professor, a lot like me, forbids such devices as rude and distracting to the serious work the class is doing, only to be interrupted by a fusillage of rage and lead by some lone gunman, seeking to right wrongs.

Perhaps this guy at the lectern looks like me. Perhaps his students look like mine.

Perhaps I, we, need to savor every breath.


For the Staff, Faculty and Students of Virginia Tech...a Busload of Faith.



Update: Some perspective...

Opening day is almost here

The Beeb puts Petersburg, KY Creation Museum on the map

This thing gets funnier every time I read about it. Even their own "About" statement is a hoot.

The 60,000 sq. ft. Creation Museum located within the greater Cincinnati area will proclaim the Bible as supreme authority in all matters of faith and practice in every area it touches on. Set to open in June 2007, this “walk through history” museum will counter evolutionary natural history museums that turn countless minds against Christ and Scripture.

Vonnegut Dead

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
1922 — 2007

So long, Kurt.

From 2003:

""Knowing What’s Nice"
by Kurt Vonnegut
November 6, 2003




Author’s note: I’m working on a novel, If God Were Alive Today, about a fictitious man, Gil Berman, 36 years my junior, who cracks jokes or whatever in front of college audiences from time to time, something I myself have done. Here are excerpts from some of what I myself said onstage at the University of Wisconsin in Madison on the evening of September 22, 2003, as we touch off the last chunks and drops and whiffs of fossil fuels.

K.V.
September 24, 2003
Sagaponack, New York



It must be kind of spooky to be a student or teacher in a university as great as this one, with its libraries and laboratories and lecture halls, while knowing it is within the borders of a nation where wisdom, reason, knowledge and truth no longer apply.

I realize that some of you may have come in hopes of hearing tips on how to become a professional writer. I say to you, 'If you really want to hurt your parents, and you don’t have the nerve to be a homosexual, the least you can do is go into the arts. But do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites, standing for absolutely nothing. All they do is show you’ve been to college.'

But actually, to practice any art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow. So do it. Dance on your way out of here. Sing on your way out of here. Write a love poem when you get home. Draw a picture of your bed or roommate.

And hey, listen: A sappy woman sent me a letter a few years back. She knew I was sappy, too, which is to say a lifelong northern Democrat in the Franklin Delano Roosevelt mode, a friend of the working stiffs. She was about to have a baby, not mine, and wished to know if it was a bad thing to bring such a sweet and innocent creature into a world as bad as this one is. I replied that what made being alive almost worthwhile for me, besides music, was all the saints I met, who could be anywhere. By saints I meant people who behaved decently in a strikingly indecent society. Perhaps some of you are or will become saints for her child to meet.



And now I want to tell you about my late Uncle Alex. He was my father’s kid brother, a childless graduate of Harvard who was an honest life insurance salesman in Indianapolis. He was well-read and wise. And his principal complaint about other human beings was that they so seldom noticed it when they were happy. So when we were drinking lemonade under an apple tree in the summer, say, and talking lazily about this and that, almost buzzing like honeybees, Uncle Alex would suddenly interrupt the agreeable blather to exclaim, 'If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.'

So I do the same now, and so do my kids and grandkids. And I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.'

That’s one favor I’ve asked of you.

Now I’ve got another one, a show of hands. How many of you have had a teacher at any point in your entire education who made you happier to be alive, prouder to be alive than you had previously believed possible? Now please say the name of that teacher out loud to someone sitting or standing near you.

OK? All done? 'If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.'



I’ll be 81 on November 11. What’s it like to be this old? I can’t parallel park worth a damn anymore. Please don’t watch when I try to do it. But no matter how bad things may get for me, the music will still be wonderful. My epitaph, should I ever need one, God forbid: 'The only proof he ever needed of the existence of God was music.'

You and the police are entitled to know, since I am going to spend the night near you, that I am both a Humanist and a Luddite. I may hold a Black Mass in the parking garage of the Best Western Hotel, if I can find a neo-conservative baby to sacrifice.

Do you know what a Humanist is? I am honorary president of the American Humanist Association, having succeeded the late, great science fiction writer Isaac Asimov in that functionless capacity. We Humanists try to behave well without any expectation of rewards or punishments in an afterlife. We serve as best we can the only abstraction with which we have any real familiarity, which is our community.

We had a memorial services for Isaac a few years back, and at one point I said, 'Isaac is up in Heaven now.' It was the funniest thing I could have said to a group of Humanists. I rolled them in the aisles. It was several minutes before order could be restored. And if I should ever die, God forbid, I hope you will say, 'Kurt is up in Heaven now.' That’s my favorite joke.

Do you know what a Luddite is? That’s a person who doesn’t like newfangled contraptions. Contraptions like nuclear submarines armed with Poseidon missiles that have H-bombs in their warheads, and like computers that cheat you out of becoming. Bill Gates says, 'Wait till you can see what your computer can become.' But it’s you who should be doing the becoming. What you can become is the miracle you were born to work—not the damn fool computer.

Now you know what a Humanist and a Luddite are. Do you know what a Twerp is? When I was in high school in Indianapolis 65 years ago, a Twerp was a guy who stuck a set of false teeth up his rear end and bit the buttons off the back seats of taxicabs. (And a Snarf was a guy who sniffed the seats of girls’ bicycles.)

And I consider anybody a Twerp who hasn’t read the greatest American short story, which is 'Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge,' by Ambrose Bierce. It isn’t remotely political. It is a flawless example of American genius, like 'Sophisticated Lady' by Duke Ellington or the Franklin stove. 'Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge,' by Ambrose Bierce.

I consider anybody a Twerp who hasn’t read Democracy in America by Alexis de Tocqueville. There can never be a better book than that one on the strengths and vulnerabilities inherent in our form of government.

Want a taste of that great book? He says, and he said it 168 years ago, that in no country other than ours has love of money taken stronger hold on the affections of men. OK?

And many of you, if not most, have surely at least dipped into that great book. But I can hardly call you Twerps, or even Snarfs, if you have never even heard of the next book I want to celebrate. Practically nobody has, since it is basically a medical text: The Mask of Sanity, first published in 1941 and written by the late Dr. Hervey Cleckley, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the Medical College of Georgia.

Some people are born deaf, some are born blind or whatever, and this book is about congenitally defective human beings of a sort who are making this whole country and many other parts of the planet go completely haywire nowadays. These are people born without consciences. They know full well the pain their actions may cause others to feel but do not care. They cannot care. They came into this world with a screw loose, and now they’re taking charge of everything. They appear to be great leaders because they are so decisive. Do this! Do that! What makes them so decisive is that they do not care and cannot care what happens next.



Now then, there’s a good news and there’s a bad news tonight. The bad news is that the Martians have landed in New York City, and are staying at the Waldorf. The good news is that they only eat homeless man, women and children of all colors, and they pee gasoline.

But seriously, if you read the supermarket tabloids you know that for the past 10 years a team of Martian anthropologists has been studying our country, the only country worth a damn on the whole planet—forget Brazil and Argentina. Well, they went back home last week because they knew how really awful global warming is about to be. Their space ship wasn’t a flying saucer. It was more of a flying soup tureen. And they’re little, only six inches high, but they aren’t green. They’re mauve.

By way of farewell, their little mauve leader said there were two things about American culture no Martian could ever understand. 'What is it,' she said in that teeny-weeny, tanny-wanny, toney-woney little voice of hers, 'what can it possibly be about blow jobs and golf?'

That is stuff from a novel I’ve been working on for the past five years, about a standup comedian at the end of the world. It is about making jokes while we are killing all the fish in the ocean, and touching off the last chunks or drops or whiffs of fossil fuel. But it will not let itself be finished.

Its working title—or actually non-working title—is If God Were Alive Today. And hey, listen: It is time we thanked God that we are in a country where even the poor people are overweight. But the Bush diet could change that.

And about the novel I can never finish, If God Were Alive Today: The hero, the standup comedian on Doomsday, not only denounces our addiction to fossil fuels, with the pushers in the White House. Because of overpopulation, he is also against sexual intercourse. His name is Gil Berman, and he says to audiences like this one, 'I am a flaming neuter. I am as celibate as at least 50 percent of the heterosexual Roman Catholic clergy. Celibacy is not a root canal, and it is so cheap and convenient. Talk about safe sex! You don’t have to do or say anything afterwards, because there is no afterwards.'

Gil Berman goes on: 'When my tantrum, which is what I call my TV set, waves boobs in my face, and tells me that everybody but me is going to get laid tonight, and this is a national emergency, so I’ve got to rush out and buy pills or a car or a folding gymnasium I can hide under my bed, I laugh like a hyena. I know and you know there are millions upon millions of good Americans, present company not excepted, who aren’t going to get laid tonight.

'And we neuter vote! And I look forward to a day when the President of the United States, no less, who probably isn’t going to get laid that night either, decrees a National Neuter Pride Day. And out of our closets we’ll come. And we will go marching up main streets all over this great land of ours, shoulders squared, chins held high, and laughing like hyenas.'

What about God, if He were alive today? Gil Berman says, 'God would have to be an Athiest, because the excrement has hit the air-conditioning big time, big time.' "

The Pissing Contest: President "Clean" and the Empty Signifier

It's funny that anything remotely connected to this shitty mess could be described as "clean."

As blood soaked as MacBeth by this point in his ideological war of armageddon, though not nearly as likable, Bush has long since dispensed with his mandate, because it never existed: The ostensible "will of the people" he had on his side only a short 18 months ago has long since evaporated, leaving only the traces of the "historical" mandate he surely read his re-election as. MacBush, as were, is cornered, hostile, paranoid, with only his witches Cheney, Rove, and Rice as comfort. A false comfort though, through a murky cauldron:

"...Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury
Signifying nothing"(Act 5, Scene 5, lines 17-27)

The Pissing Contest: Gonzalez

Can we expect a "Black" Monday?

"The subpoena demands that Gonzales turn over the material by Monday at 2 p.m., according to a copy released by the committee. It does not require Justice to reproduce copies of documents, totaling nearly 4,000 pages, that were turned over in recent weeks, except in cases where the previous versions were censored."

I'm going to go out on a limb here, and conjecture that the documents, if any, that Gonzalez passes on would make a great Sharpie commercial.

By the way, it seems as though they were recruiting the best and the brightest in the Justice Department:

"Graduates of the law school have been among the most influential of the more than 150 Regent University alumni hired to federal government positions since President Bush took office in 2001, according to a university website."

Easter

32%? Who are these idiots?

I suppose he's a fine candidate unless you value personal honesty and integrity in a president.

Way to go BYU

"Critics at the school question whether Cheney sets a good example for graduates, citing his promotion of faulty intelligence before the Iraq war and his role in the CIA leak scandal," Debbie Hummel reports for the AP. "The private university, which is owned by the Mormon church, has 'a heavy emphasis on personal honesty and integrity in all we do,' said Warner Woodworth, a professor at BYU's business school. 'Cheney just doesn't measure up,' he said."

There is also this explanation for the poll numbers: Mental disorders are common in the United States and internationally. An estimated 26.2 percent of Americans ages 18 and older — about one in four adults — suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year.

I would say supporting a Cheney candidacy qualifies as a mental disorder.

Classic Rock

Well, not really, but I'm in a perverse sort of mood.

32%

That's the percentage of people who actually think Darth Cheney could be president, according to the CNN/Opinion Research Corporation Poll from March 9-11, 2007.

Nevertheless, among this braintrust, there is a champion:

"For all the talk about potential candidates who haven't entered the 2008 presidential race — from Mayor Bloomberg to Vice President Gore to Senator Thompson and Speaker Gingrich — the one that who would bring the most to the race is Vice President Cheney."

Wait for it. WAIT FOR IT:

"Mr. Cheney has virtues as a candidate in his own right. He has foreign policy experience by virtue of having served as defense secretary, and he has economic policy experience, having served as a leading tax-cutter while a member of the House of Representatives. His wife, Lynne, would be an asset to the ticket in her own right, a point made by Kathryn Jean Lopez in a post on the topic at National Review Online back in February. By our rights, Lynne Cheney would make one of the greatest First Ladies in history. Mr. Cheney, in any event, is more than four years younger than Mr. McCain, and, if elected, would be 67 years old at his inauguration, younger than Reagan was when he took office. His health, while a topic of frequent speculation, hasn't interfered with his service as vice president."

I'm speechless.

A recurring nightmare of mine is that something would happen to Bush, and Darth Cheney would take over-officially, that is. I never imagined someone would actually suggest that it was a good idea.

However, it does explain the inexplicable appearance of Cheney, behind the bushes at the Press Conference.

"Someday...it will all be mine!"

via Daily Kos and Innisfree.

Newt

This picture is bizarre almost past comment, especially when you consider this.

Except when you consider this:



???

Not that this is loaded, or anything...

This one reads like something off the Fox ticker:

"Terrorists endorse Pelosi's 'good policy of dialogue'"

When people talk about bias, this is actually what they mean. This headline is decidedly Pro-Zionist, which is fine, of course, but what disturbs me is that it implies that Pelosi would be sympathetic towards terrorists (and un-American) when, in fact, she's trying to find a way to save lives, American and Muslim, by finding out exactly why they hate us so much. Hell, she might even be broker a way for us to get some desperately needed help in Iraq.

Actually, what disturbs me more is that right-wing talking points know no borders. What is implied in that headline is made explicit here:

"'I just don't know what got into her head, to be completely honest with you," [Romney] said. 'Her going to a state which is without question a sponsor of terror, and having her picture taken with (Bashar) Assad and being seen in a headscarf and so forth is sending the wrong signal to the people of Syria and to the people of the Middle East'."

I wonder what the right signal is, Mitt?

Oh yeah, endless occupation...

Update: Crooks and Liars looks to similar grounds...

From the Jefferson Mint

This was on Maher's show this week, and I almost pissed myself laughing:

Happiness is...

Karl Rove getting an earful from the students of American University:

"As Rove attempted to exit the campus building, he was confronted by more than a dozen protesters who surrounded his car to prevent it from leaving, Csellar said to FOX.

'They were throwing unknown objects at the vehicle', said Secret Service spokeswoman Kimberly Bruce. Allegedly the Secret Service asked the protesters to move. When they continued to block the vehicle's exit, campus police were summoned, but no arrests or injuries were reported, police said to FOX."




Glad to see that there are still students who care, and are willing to put it on the line. This svengali has gotten off easy thus far, and, as "Bush's Brain" (though it is doubtful that such a label is much of a compliment), needs to subject to the righteous wrath of the constituency he has been fucking for six years.

Global Warming

The Supreme Court recognizes the disaster that decades of inaction on this issue has wrought, notably this Administration:

"Either it must start to regulate carbon dioxide as an air pollutant, an action it has resisted for six years. Or the Environmental Protection Agency must state publicly %that greenhouse gases do not threaten human health or welfare, a view rejected by most climate scientists, including the agency's own researchers. "

Some, however, are still unswayed. Walter Williams, undoubtedly a smart man, tows the line, and tosses a red herring in:

"There's a much more important issue that poses an even greater danger to mankind. That's the effort by environmentalists to suppress disagreement with their view."

This isn't the stupidest thing he writes. He goes on to compare the "skeptics" to ...:

"Because he disagreed that the Earth was the center of the universe, Galileo was ordered to stand trial on suspicion of heresy in 1633. Under the threat of torture, he recanted and was placed under house arrest for the rest of his life."

Wow. One of the greatest matyrs to science and reason gets cited to refutiate science and reason.

Only a "conservative" could pull that off. I just wish he'd quit pulling off the rest of us.

Update: Speaking of jerking off, here's a another genius post on global warming. I really wonder what bizarro universe the BamaPachyderm lives in?

Cointelpro and Bush's Civil Rights Record

This isn't really a shock to anyone with half a brain, but it's great that it is finally coming to light: BushCo doesn't give a flying fuck about Civil Rights.


via Tavern Wench and Covington